Things To Do In England When You're Dead

The Sunday Times contained a new sure to rock the of campfire sings and Fast Food Rockers alike, that the roadside institution Little Chef looks set for extinction following its purchase, it's the End of the road for Little Cheff.

However sad this article was, it remained informative. Amongst the "stars" it listed as fans of the chain, we find the legendary electro-pioneer Gary Numan. He was mocked on Have I Got News For You for having a famous gun collection ("Just as well as he's famous for nothing else now) and Half Man Half Biscuit wrote a song about his handglider crash, but these stories all take second place to the best Numanoid News.

I remember on his site once he tried to use his fame to unleash vigilante justice on a gang of caravan thieves. Someone had robbed the caravan of the Numanoids mother and he used his website to ask his fans to track down the criminals and give them what for. Well, he didn't say "give them what for", he's a man of electronics and peace, he just wanted his fans to become a swarm of detectives for him.

The caravan was never found. I asked for a copy of the article but I have recieved no reply.


And, for old times sake, here is a photo of a Little Chef I use to frequent. I just want to take this time to thank it for the Tea, and the fry-ups:

Haven't blogged all week, hope I'm not loosing commitment to this idea...

Well, to be honest I'm having trouble getting photos up and with getting a decent version of Photoshop, hence no Dresden Doll photos yet.

What I have done this week is go to Manchester, after misinterpreting a "Fancy meeting next Monday" message. I got there a week early but went for a curry anyway, and I'm going up again on the actual date on the way back from Leeds. Well, I would be if I hadn't had also had the wrong week for going to Leeds as well, so I'm going next Sunday instead (To see Lee, of Lee and Herring fame).

A true highlight of this trip, in addition to getting some gems from the good people of Vinyl Exchange, was getting to watch my favourite soap, Neighbours, on the large TV screen in one of the squares, in the snow. That's dedication to your soap...


Neighbours


But, in Manchester, I got to go to Manchester Museum, not because I'm especially well cultured, I was just drawn in with the pictures of a Tyrannosaurus Rex outside. I was into dinosaurs as a kid, and being part of the Jurassic Park generation, who could not be tempted by such an offer (And for free to). Plus, Liverpool Museum only has an Allosaurus skeleton, a Skoda compared to the revved up Volvo of the T. rex, it was time to see the Big Daddy itself!

I lost the race to get to the Stan the T. rex first, which I'm sure I will never hear of first, but then, to add insult to injury, while I gazed upon the awe inspiring figure of this bird ancestor, I was dealt another blow, my "friend" read the plaque which said that this was no actual skeleton, but a plastic cast!! I think the museum staff where used to scared children, but a grown man on his knees, damning the deceptiveness of the world and dreams once again crushed, was a new one on them. They weren't happy with me taking photos either, but how else would I have gotten this photo of a giant fossilized octopus?





Or the dangerous bit of a T. rex?




Again, poor quality photos, because

a) My camera is pretty crap
b) I was polite enough to not use the flash, this as a compromise betwen me and the "No Photos" sign.

Too much telly for me tonight, but please if you're watching Bowling For Columbine, remember that Michael Moore is a complete shite, as biased and manipulative as the people he denounces.

Admittedly, the anti-Moore site, Michael Moore Lies, also falls into the same unobjective reasoning that the man they criticize for criticizing the men that he says they are, but it has a good stock of articles to examine and their book, Michael Moore Is A Stupid White Man has some great analysis of Bowling For Columbine and the extensive editing involved in it (You can get a copy for under a fiver secondhand on Amazon). Really, its a great read.

Even The Onion have had a dig in their so unique way, which nobody could find disagreeable.

Sky 1 just had a show on about Chavs and how misunderstood they are. It might of actually made an impact on people if it wasn't for a few flaws:

1) It was presented by a Chav
2) She interviewed fellow Chavs and reminded us all the more why we don't like them
3) The channels website is taking the piss out of chavs with thier Chav Quiz.
4) The presented complained about the website Chav Scum, instantly making it so popular the site has crashed.
5) They keep getting refered to as Chavs, when in fact they are actually Scallies. And nobody likes Scallies either.

More good poitns where rasied in The Guardian (Already the arch nemisis of the Chav).

More anti-Chav humour can be found at A Load of Bollocks

Last night, after much anticipation (And missing them in Hamburg), I finally saw The Dresden Dolls live, again in the Liverpool Carling Academy 2 (The Lomax 2, folks).

Didn't bother with the support band, caught he end and they didn't seem like anything worth standing up for. The bands website said they'd have local performance art acts in support, but this turned out to be untrue (As was the notice that there would be "Special tour souvenir tickets"). There was a fair (Collective term) of goths about, I observed all the stereotypes with as I proped up the bar drinking my Snakebite Black*. Most obvious (And annoying) was the overly effemitive one desperate for attention, and who probably regails his friends with anecdotes which are actually Eddie Izzard jokes (Possibly about jam or grandmas).

The Dolls are on top form, second date of a UK Tour (I.e. One in Scotland, London, and maybe another in the UK), and I think it was their first time in Liverpool. The drum sound was amazing (Proving the drummers rock credentials despite him wearing tights), right up there with the power of Jim White, but with much more comic antics involved for the crowds entertainment. Amanda was on my far left, pounding away at a keyboard, looking like she had less make-up than usual and not aiming for a few of the high notes.

They open with Good Day, move on early to Half Jack and Coin-Operated Boy (With, for the pleasure of the live audience, a lyric change go "I Can even fuck him in the ass", which would have corrupted the video beyond mention). The two of them have great stage presence, they mime like you would expect from people in mime make-up, and they give us worrying insights into their dark humor ("Field hockey is the new black").

As well as some tracks of the live album, that you can't actually get in this country, we got some covers as set fillers, great Brel sing-a-long Port of Amsterdam, first live performance of high-note less Life on Mars, PJ Harveys' Rid of Me, and their well known take on War Pigs (Which has been covered at the last two gigs I've been to, a sign of the times perhaps...).

We also got some good showbiz news from the gig, like that The Dolls are supporting Nine Inch Nails at their sold-out London dates which I mentioned last month, and that they're returning for their own tour in June or July. We also got told that their first vinyl release, "Ring of Roses" (Or perhaps "Night of Roses"), (Which they played for us, by the way) is getting released. Amazing what information I can get into this blog...

They didn't do some of my favorite songs of the album, like Bad Habits, and we only got The Jeep Song as a closer because people where shouting out for it, but it made a great finale.

End of the gig is normally end of the night, but seeing that the gig was in the venue of Evol, we got to stay for free and watch the Dresden Dolls do a DJ set, for about ten minutes (They played NIN, the swines, clearly pleased with their upcoming support slot). They kept playing records at he wrong speed and letting CD's run to the next track (Having me asking them to play Half Man Half Biscuit couldn't have been helping them), and I think their choices where a bit two heavy on the Goth, even if it did get the floor filled with two-steppers.

Even the end of the thing wasn't the end of the night, I got home to find I'd forgotten my keys so I had to sleep in the shed. A splendid ending to a splendid night.


I got some photos, but I was a bit far back (I planned to keep to the post for back support) so they didn't come out very clear, and the only up-tights shot is of the drummer. I'll clean them up a bit on photoshop and get them up here next post.



If you're interested in The Dresden Dolls you can go to their official site or their blog.

If you're not interested, or indeed you despise them, why not send them some hate mail.




*I would also like to point out that the bar staff charged me differently for each drink I bough, despiteit being the same thing. It started at £3.20, then £2.80, followed by £3.30, finally down to £2.70. They charged me 60p for cordial on one of them

I've given up on catching Neighbours of a morning (Always in bed) or of ever getting any news of the official site.

Browing the Internet at near random last nihgt I did find another Neighbours Site but my jubilation was short lived on disocvering that Neighbours may be up for the axe in the UK!

"A strange comment in an article over at MediaGuardian has left UK Neighbours fans worried at the future of the show. The article, which was about the move of BBC1 controller, Lorraine Heggessy, to Talkback Thames, states:

"The choice of Talkback Thames is interesting, and leads straight to her patron, Dyke. It is part of Fremantle, the former Pearson Television division formed from a clutch of big spending mergers orchestrated by Dyke in the mid 1990s. Though now owned by broadcaster RTL, and so not strictly an independent, it is run by Tony Cohen, Dyke's former close executive colleague. One of the production companies, Grundy, makes Neighbours, which at some point will be replaced with a British-made series."

At the moment speculation is rife, but until we have a response from the BBC, I wouldn't panic. However, check out our forum if you want to air your opinion!"



We can only hope this is not true...

Got a reply from Graham Lee, the guitarist from The Triffids. It reads as follows:

Dean,
We certainly didn't play at the Cavern and I'm trying to figure out (since memory is gone) if we actually played in Liverpool at all. Our connections to Liverpool are that Gil Norton produced 2 of our records and that we mixed and recorded at Amazon Studios for extensive periods. The other Triffids were some obscure (as if we weren't) US band from the sixties, or early seventies I thought. Mysterious, I'd like to think it's us but can't presently give you the definitive answer on that. Thanks anyway for opening this can of worms. And yes I'd like a larger version of the photo please.
Regards,
Graham

So that's the end of that chapter...

It's possible that there might be a third band called The Triffids, including the possibility of a UK Beat outfit. I'll keep looking into this, I have to do something productive with the insomnia...

I've recently been discussing this on the Nick Cave Forum.

Outside the site of The Cavern, on the wall that once was that of new wave club Erics, is a wall in which the names of every band that played in The Cavern between 1957 - 1973 (Basically, the original, and not the tourist trap reconstruction), along with some contemporary bands throwin on for good measure. This information comes from a plaque on said wall:


Cavern Plaque />


I notice on the wall a brick for The Triffids, a favourite band of mine. However, the dates mentioned on the wall seem to early for The Triffids, and I don't think they ever made enough of an impact to deseve a brick of recognition as a contempoary act., There also happens to be another band called The Triffids.

This creates a conundrum, but I hope to solve it...


The Triffids Brick 

Just saw Ramones: End of the Century and the wonderful FACT Cinema in Liverpool, and I watched the movie in this charming room:



Johhny Ramone himself said that this was a dark and disturbing documenty, and it really is, it's everything that Ramones Raw should have been. It contains amazing early live footage of The Ramones in action, delivering a soinc smack in the face while Joey flops scarecrow like around the stage, it really shows how revolutionry they where for the time. It also has great live footage of The Stooges and Television.

The interviews give this documentry it's really impact. Footage of Joey Ramone is painfully absent, the fotoage of Dee Dee Ramone shows his as the oddly umbalanced person he is and Johhny Ramone comes aacross as the stern man he was and needed to be. Tommy Ramone, being the most alive of the original members makes the most appearances, and Joey is reprsented through interviews with his mother, brother, and embarrasing photos of his as a child. Footage of Riche Ramone, in his suite is sadly included.

Some choice stars make appearances to, Joey Strummers last interview was for this move, telling us how he first met The Ramones,and extended footage of the interview is set for inclusion on the DVD release. Thurston Moore, Rob Zombie and Glenn Matlock also make apperances.

But this movie really was what life in The Ramones was like, a bitter battle for control and reccognition. The Marky Ramone produced Ramones Raw sugar coated things too much, too much footage was from thier time in italy and Brasil where The Ramones where huge. End of the Century shows the same footage in a more disturbing light, saying how, especially in Brazil, the kids came from the same rough living, glue sniffing The Ramones sang about, so naturally they took them up as idols.

Another bonus is that End of the Century covers thier career in it's entiry, focusing on key momeants (Such as working with Phill Spector and the Joey /Johnny bust-up), the patchy eras of thier career and the death of Joey & Dee Dee Ramone (The commentry on Dee Dee Ramones death is especially moving).

A really dark movie, a must see for a fan or anybody inteested in the complete twisted history of punk and the crucial role The Ramones played at thier cost.

A great time was had and I'm looking forward to the DVD release, so Hey Ho, go see the movie!

.

Strange to read The Guardian and find an article Eddie Izzard had written an article about The Goons, must be promoting something...

Oh, what's this opening on The West End tonight, "Ying Tong: An Evening With The Goons". They've already done Tommy Cooper, Mel Brooks is having a good run with The Producers (Which I'm yet to see). Good to see The Goons returning to the spotlight, they never seem to quite get the recognition they deserve and the BBC has still not brought out Q Milligan on DVD, the dastards.

I started listening to The Goons around the age of fourteen, a surreal friend lent me the tapes and my mum stole a copy of "Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall" from a hospital waiting room. I had went through a slight revival just before he died and tried getting my then girlfriend to have a listen. She didn't.

Just a fortnight later Spike Milligan died, his parting message to the world "I Told You I Was Ill". Once, in the glory days of the 70's my University had declared itself an independent state and Spike Milligan accepted the responsibilities of being a figure head, but he quickly turned tail when then army threatened intervention if we didn't stop the nonsense (And out bid to host the Olympics). There was no official marking of our past leaders passing, but I went the pub and raised a pint in his memory, and I still promote his genius to this day.


Also, a good Spike Milligan site.

I pleged that this year I'd miss no gigs I was interested in so that come the end of the year I'd have fewer regrets, but I've already stumbled, missing Half Man Half Biscuit playing in Nottingham on 10th Feb. Not only did I miss a gig by favourite band, in which they played thier fantastic new stuff, I've been taunted by the reviews on the website.

So now I have to focus on getting to the April 7th date in Sheffield. The biggest draw back is that my HMHB amigo is in Berlin and it'd be a crime to see the gig without her...


Time will tell...

The world has been rocked by the news that a man and woman are to marry, the event being summed up worryingly well by the Daily Star headline "Old Gits To Marry".

In honour of this being hte most interesting thing to happen this week, I'd like to dedicate this exclusive information to those lovely libale prone people at The Private Eye.

This year, Pancake Day was suprisingly early. It was almost stealthy enough to go unoticed, and although Pancakes where made, my plans to get the first Pancake Day Number 1 (The Bongos of Jesus play "The Bells Are Ringing Out For Pancake Day (A Totally 100% original song)") went unfufiled.

I love Pancake Day, a pleasnet reminded that Jesus did something or other which was open to glib intepretation by marketing folk, but on the non-secular side, its one of the few event I've continued to celebrate every year. In fact I enjoy this annual event so much I can remember with whom I celebrated, where, and dinstingusing Pancake features:

2005; Me and "Furious", Liverpool, Pancakes with red wine in, came out a funny grey colour. made Pancakes in a wok, might regreyt this desicion in the morning.

20004; Helen, Kirk, Rach, Jonathan and Jon, in Manchester, rather plain, some with yellow colouring in

2003; Newcastle-under-Lyme, Colin and Laura, blue pancakes, one with corrianda. very well tossed, photos exist somewhere.

2002; ST5, Rebecca, Naz, Glen and Zainab (Or something), Pancakes with whiskey and brandey flavouring in, good stuff

2001; Keele, near Junction 15 of the M6. First Pancake Day of University, celebrated late in the night after getting back from the pub, poured salt down friends girlfriends pants, we all had a good laugh (Well, almost all of us).


So please take time to remember Pancake Day, show of your tossing skills in public, do something to give your Pancakes distinction, and squeeze those lemons till your blues go away, it's Pancake Day!!


Thanks to Half Man Half Biscuit and Robert Johnson.

Saturday I took my first steps to the Midlands in five months, off to see fiends and enjoy the culinary delights of Big Wok.

The train that took me to the land of Noddy Holder and Nick Owen was on time and reliable as ever, arriving only twenty minutes late and I was promptly whisked away to Great Barr in my friends new, MOT passing car (Great Bar sadly, has no great bars, but legend has it Boy George was once beaten up outside The Scott Arms).

It was great seeing my Brummie friends again, even if their accent is somewhat strange (But, better than that of the Dudley Folk), but that's easily forgotten when your reunion is celebrated by drinking Tea and watching Monk (I used to love the antics of Monk, however, now I lean more to Coloumbo, his approach of telling you who the murderer is at the beginning and then basing the episode on how the crime is solved is simply genius, in my humble opinion). Talk in this time also drifted to a friends ex who lived around the corner who is an ardent anti-Nick Cave man, I suggested going around to shoe him in, but I think the Tea just calmed my nerves, and besides, how could I turn my back on Mr. Monk?

After a great time was had by all (And I went in the only pub I've ever known to not serve pints, The Green Room on Hurst Street) and my final trial of the day was getting home as work decided I was in on Sunday morning. Half ten, shouldn't be too hard getting back, I've done it much later than that, should be easy... What's that Mr. Ticketman? No train going there? Not even swapping in Stafford or Crewe? Somehow I don't believe you and I'll make my own route! Aboard the Manchester bound train I'm told I can get back by swapping in Manchester, rather smug with myself I stay on the train to its destination where I'm told the rail replacement coach, and it isn't till 1:40 AM, two hours away.

I am a hardened traveler however, I can do this, I'm a warrior on the icy frontier, the vagabond drifting from place to place and used to waiting, waiting patiently for the next adventure. As this delusion ended I just sat and read a book I'd been given in Birmingham, "Confessions of a Heavy Metal Addict: Hell Bent for Leather", and I gotta say, its fantastic (But more on that another time) and drank Tea, taking the occasional break to go take in the beauty of Manchester.

The coach is filled with strange Scoucers. A man mentioned to me several times he's just had a great night in Jillys Rockworld (I was wearing PVC, he was wearing leather, the bond was there before we even spoke) and he mentioned various points his mother had died in the week and as a result his Sky was being disconnected. There was also this guy who was the spitting image of a friends gay Irish housemate, and it turns out, he was gay and Irish to! And had a stutter! It was like sitting next to a stammering Graham Norton, only this guy wasn't a twat. Some other guy in his late 60's also joined out late night retinue, he went out in Manchester every weekend, he didn't let age stop him being hardcore, a warrior on the icy frontier, a vagabond drifting place to place...

It was a long day, and for the fine company, the resulting fine book and a familiar acceptance from the rail service, it felt better than ever to be back in The North, the fine land that it is...

The long forgotten Triffids seem to be set for some revival, new website up and running (A damn good site to, ran by one of the band and filled with unreleased songs, photos and stories). There's great free audio on the site, but no bio., but you can find one here.

I had my first experience of live "Rock Grass" last night in the form of Hayseed Dixie at Liverpools Carling Academy 2 (The one that was Lomax 2 and has lots of seats, nice place). I took my time getting the gig, but sadly I got there in time to catch the support band, Viking Skull.

There are two reasons why these are terrible. First, they are an attempt to revive cock rock just as The Darkness brought back glam. Songs like "You Can't Kill Rock 'N' Roll", "Slut Magnets" and "Dirty Dirty Whore" reek of Kiss, and everybody's favorite, Ratt. They have all the standards "We wanna see you dancing", "any hot ladies in the house tonight" type shouts, and the raised hands clapping, and the leave telling us "they'll play until the speakers explode", which they don't. The true pain is that these guys are everywhere, loads of metal magazines and support slots, they're the new Crackout, they may never go away. Just as with Siccor Sisters, they're a reminder that no matter how bad a band is, if the label has the cash and the contacts you'll never hear the end of them.

But hey, it was worth the 30 minutes of interrupted conversation, "The Dixie" are on top form, applying their banjo, mandolin, bass and fiddle twanging to various AC/DC songs, "Ace of Spades", "Walk This Way", and a song for the next album "War Pigs" (During the second chorus of which the words are forgotten).

Keeping in character we're treated to Southern Baptist preaching between songs, that night the sermon was on the dangers of stopping at a Welcome Break on the way to Sheffield for a meal that will consist of fried grease, as it ultimately leads to the service station equivalent of Ghandis Revenge. But this leads to a positive note, their epiphany that after the age of 35 the only way to a mans heart is food, and to reflect such a finding, they played a melody of songs where "love" can be replaced by "Lunch", "Tainted Lunch" being my favorite, and "All You Need Is Lunch" thrown in to appease the locals (Who's "Legendry Scouce wit" became rather boring as everybody felt they had something witty to say, yawn).

A second medley was about the importance of eating plenty ("Especially in Africa" they say, a remark they later withdraw) and give a slightly to detailed picture of why they like the larger woman. The prove their point they play the Spinal Tap classic "Big Bottom", Queens "Fat Bottomed Girls" and "A Whole Lotta Rosie". If that wasn't enough to put anybody of ever dieting, I don't know what it.

The finale causes a true hoedown, a good quarter of an hour of "Highway to Hell", complete with mandolin solo, banjo solo, slap bass solo (Eurrgh), banjo vs. fiddle duel, two people playing the same banjo and drinking a few cans of Boddingtons, you had to see it to believe it.

I was left wondering if it was all stage persona, but anecdotal evidence suggests otherwise. A friend of mine had seen them in town during the day, had no idea what they looked like but its not often you see four people in dungarees, tie die shirts and caps about, and I'm told they where cap doffing gentlemen. A chap I spoken with at the gig had a similar story, said he'd met one in the toilets and told him he'd shake his hand if he weren't having a piss, but the singer being the gent he is just wipes his hands down on his dungarees and shakes that hand good and proper. Kings amongst men...

It was only four months since Hayseed Dixie where in Liverpool, and apparently the gig was twice as packed and four times more enthusiastic this time, so I think they'll be bringing their special blend of music back to us all before too long.

Another predction for the future is that Sunday, Chris Moyles will be very ill. The band informed us of how glad they are to be getting main stream radio play in the UK, and that on Saturday Chris Moyles is going to thier London show, and on the night that he finished his detox to. They don't like that quitter attitude, so they're challanging him to a drinking contest. Sereing that I counted at least seven drinks disappearing during the set, I don't fancy the radio presenters chances...


Hayseed Dxie, Carling Acedmy 2 Liverpool, 02/02/05 



Don Wayne Reno; The only, and the best, Rock Grass banjo player 


Barley Scoth; Singer, guitar, fiddle, large calf muscles


Dale Reno; Mandolin, dodgey tash


Entusiastic crowd, cursed with a fast, sharp and honset Scouce Wit (I.e. Shouting "Your fat") 


For more on Hayseed Dixie check out thier videos for"Ace of Spades" and "Walk This Way", and this promotional poster

Or, just put aith in my musical taste and rush out and buy thier albums.

Today my Archive tab comes into effect, a whole month of blogging and so much to show for it...

I spent a day in town today, this lead to two interesting developments

1) I found a job opening to be a photographer at a modeling agency, for which I will apply. It might be low wage but I'm sure it'll be easier on the eyes than the current job...

2) I was bartering a deal and succeeded in getting what I want because, the guy said, I was wearing a Half Man Half Biscuit T-shirt, the bright red "Some Call it Godcore" number. I've spoken to this guy before when buying Half Man Half Biscuit CD's and last time I spoke to him I told them of their upcoming gig and he said he'd be there, I of course assumed he was taking the piss. Turns out he used to be in the band, and he is going, and he played with them in the Godcore era. With a sense of awe I explained how that album inspired me to learn to play the Jews Harp, and then I left...


Also, some great CD's out the library, some !!!, Syd Barrett, Pink Floyd (Early, I.e. good Floyd) and Squarepusher. Hurra.