Things To Do In England When You're Dead

After seeing Lou Reed I was looking forward to the contrast GWAR would provide, and man, it was like being on another planet. For one, there was showmanship, and two, there was loads of it. I never went wanting to hear songs, I went wanting to see fake blood sprayed upon the innocent!

Bad taste aplenty, I mean, who in thier right mind would get up on stage and declare "911 is so funny I can't even say it without descending into laughter!". Slaying effigies of Michael Jackson, Osama Bin Laden, Arnie and George Bush Jnr also pleased the crowd, they give the show a more contemporary feel, contrasting well with the Regan / Thatcher and Mad Cow jokes from thier 80's hayday. But to be honest they could slay whoever they wanted, we only want to see to infamous fake blood, and we're greatful that they provide it at every oppertunity.

My favourite prop was the giant robotic Ronald Reagan they brought on stage, it was about eight foot tall, a cross between a Judge Dredd ABC Warrior and the Robotic Nixon from Futurama, and for added good taste, when they chopped his stomach open a Margaret Thatcher popped out (Also to be slain). Thats fresh...

It's so odd to think about who little publicity followed a band once banned fomr the country, I don't think Metro even bothered to announce the arrival of these monsters from Antartica, here to steal our childrens souls. Have we just become desenstized, or have the press leanrt to stop helping bands out with free publicity?

I really do have to mention the blood, it created the tribalistic atmosphere that drew us all into a primative state (At least thats how it felt at the front, I'm sure it looked rediculos from the back), it made you feel like a caveman celebrating a bountyful harvest or slaying a Brontosaurus, a new feeling for me. But a word of warning on the fake blood, it stains everything, even contact lenses. The stuff also died my contact lenses red, making the world orange, and combined with the stains across my face made me look so satanic that not one curry shop in Rusholme tried to lute me in, a dark day in deed. If you do have trouble getting the blood out of your cloths, I recommed a good 60 degree wash. There, aren't I helpful...

GWAR where a must see, but once see event, I'm glad to have just seen a part of shock rock history. They blew Lou Reed out of the arena, I could have seen them four times for the amount I spent on Lou Reed (Yes, I'm still bitter). Still, Lou Reed didn't dye my skin pink...


GWAR; Theatrics gaurenteed

The effect of dyed upon contact lenses

Tribalism

I just had the pleasure of watching Lou Reed at the Liverpool Philharmonic. It's hardly worth mentioning. It definitely wasn't worth £35.

To begin with, doors advertised as 7:30, I get there at 7:50 and I've already missed a song. Granted, I'm told this is the way things work in "proper venues" but no warning was given to me. No support act. It's four songs into the set till I notice a song, "Ecstasy", and its not one I know well, unlike "Slip Away" which comes later, which was stunning. Only other song I know is "Perfect Day", and even then he plays a shit version.

Now I know a lot of Lou Reed stuff, not just the best ofs, but how could he play nothing of Berlin and transformer, they're classics?!? And how come no Velvet Underground material since they graced his last live album? Way too much stuff of The Raven, which I didn't like.


I'd of rathered spend £35 at Greggs, who where until tonight my arch nemesis, who are now superseeded.

I returned to the FACT cinema in Liverpool to see Downfall, a German movie on Hitlers final hours (A perspective you don't hear of very often). It got good reviews but people critizied its humane portrayal of Hitler and for overplaying Professor Scencks humane attempts to reduce the civilian suffering during Berlins final hours in a war that was all but lost.

It's a dark movie, as you'd expect, and it doesn't pull any punches when it comes to the gritty reality of war. Still doesn't movie the movie can't have its funnier moments, does it? One of Hitlers first lines in the movie is, when interview a new secretary, is "I make mistakes myself while dictating". There's even a joke in it, a rarity in German cinema (I've only ever heard one):

"They say Berlin is becoming a warehouse city. Everybody is walking around asking "Where is my house? Where is my house?""

Mightn't be up to Tommy Cooper standards, but if I was in a besieged city I'd be dying drunk, crackin' jokes, and probably listening to The Ramones to.

More seriously, this movie will leave you with a chill, its the realism. Hitler dosn't come across as human, he comes across as deluded, bi-polar and clearly mentally unbalanced. This is as we all envision Hitler, we can agree with that, but do we ever imagine a SS man trying to stop sensless executions by over zealous soldiers? Even if it mightn't be as objective as you would have hoped, it's still far more objective than American movies about WW2 (The kind where Bon Jovi flies a submarine to Berlin for a concert on the Reichstag), and what's more it is different and thought provoking. It still can't be taken for absoulte truth seeing that the movie is based on the accounts of the few survivors of Hitlers bunkers, who where busy trying to save themselves from death sentences, but can you ever believe what a movie tells you?

I can't help but feel somewhat conned. I entered a compitition on the Nine Inch Nails website to win a record boxset, only entered in passing mind you and I thought little of it. However, today as I stumbled in a 11:00 I see a large parcel had arrived for me in the post, I had on said record box. Disappointment was imminent, naturally, the box seemed empty and devoid of records, as if there had been mistake. On reading the accompanying press release I learn that it was only ever the box up for grabs, but that it was a limited, UK only edition, that will house the 9" singles from their forthcoming album. And what do you know, the first one came out today!! Better get yourself the shops mate...

Adimitdly, I would have bought it anyway, especially as I'm going through a vinyl revival right now, and in fact I had forgotten about its release so it was a bonus. All I keep telling myself to really keep me cheerie, is that when the box set is complete, not only will it all be very nice looking, it'll be worth a pretty penny to.


Once again, cheers to Trent Reznor and eBay

I've just spent four days in the much larger than I thought it would be Berlin. While there I developed a crackin' new way of sightseeing, under the cover of night. After spending a bit too long in Cafe Zappata (A squat with a flamethrower inside) and hunting down a kebab the last s-bahn was long gone, so we opted to see all the sights under the cover of darkness, which had the added bonus of making me feel less like a tourist. We took in the scene at the Berlin Bears, the Brandenberg Gate, the Reichstag and the Sony Centre (Which was not lit up). The best part of this improvised tour was the TV Tower at Alexanderplatz, because being night we had the light up beauty to ourselves and the freedom to climb up to the base, most memorable. This meant that the second day I only had to do the tourist thing at Checkpoint Charlie, saving much embarrassment and allowing us to actually see the Merrillmemorial to the many people killed trying to kill the wall.

West Berlin was neglected in the visit, I was much more interested in the East as you can feel much more history around the place, with its DDR architecture and the various bulletholes, and many monuments and museums concerning war, the Gestapo, the Stasi , Holocaust, anti-semitism, war and various other heavy topics, Berlin is clearly a city which feels some need to amend the actions of Germanys past. I couldn't count how many museums Berlin had, but its going to take another visit to see more than I did this time, which was one. I tried the Musical Instrument Museum but if wasn't closed it was certainly doing a good impression, and not having the patients to queue to see the dome of the Reichstag I went to the next nearest museum, the Berlin Museum of Medical History. Everything was in German, but believe me, this is a very visual display.

It was a very short trip I must say, with more time spent walking around than anything, but it was worth it just the see a new city, travel further East than I have ever done previously and to get some experience to a place with such a troubled history with still apparent scars. I took in a few bars, most of which seemed to be squats with bottled bear and wide eyed hippies selling space cakes (Although I did find the oldest beer tap in Berlin), but I think it would take more time to find the cities better bars (Which I'm told are all in the East).


However, at the end of the day, perhaps because of loyalty, I think I'm still a Hamburger. Its more upmarket, perhaps even more friendly. I was amazed at how friendly Berlin felt despite its enormous size, but Hamburg just has an ongoing feeling of home (Perhaps because I lived there). In time however, I'm sure Berlin will catch up with its fellow city state, it'll just take me a few more visits.

I saw Einstruzende Neubauten last night, on the London date of their 25th Anniversary tour, and it has to be said, if they where out to impress, they succeeded. Giving a two hour set, with part dedicated to thier "greatest hits" and another to thier rarer material, we where treated to an amazing show with everything a fan could ask for.

Coming on stage an hour after the doors had opened (And no support band, or the rumor slideshow of the band history), the band looked composed, ready to unleash the brutal noise of the unique instruments that surrounded them, and in the case of Blixa and Alexandra Hacke, barefooted (Blixa also had blue toenail polish, and I feel this review would be flawed if I failed to mention it). One of the band looked like Art Garfunkle, and the keyboard player looked like Neil Morrissey, it amused me.

They opened with Yue-Gung, a favourite of mine which had an intense live sound, it was a good start, an impression they cemented when they moved onto Haus Der Luege (The Popes favourite song, they said they). We where also treated to Armenia, for which they brought out a classic improvised instrument from their early days, The Thirsty Animal. To you or me, it was a piece of piping, Alexander Hacke made it into a wind instrument capable of the most mournful sounds and ambient effects.

Second half opens with Salamandrina, and also contains Sehnsucht and Kalte Sterne, recently released on the CD of the bands pre-history, also called Kalte Sterne. Proving they have a sense of humour they end the second set with Ich Gehe Jehtz (But of course, they come on for an encore, playing a lenghty new track, destined for the supporters album).

The most impressive aspect of the show was the instruments they used, thier drumkit was based around a sheet of metal, with a tyre for a snare drum and an upturned industrial sized bin doubling as a bass. All rounded off with a large spring for good measure. As well as the Thirsty Animal, they had thier own amplified bass wire, another instrument they made themselves in leaner times. From the front row I could see how this wire contributes to Neubautens bass heavy sound, that, and Hackes furious bass strumming (Really man, he played it like it was an acoustic guitar). When not creating new instruments Neubauten simply abuse old ones, the Profimaster 250-50 makes another appearance and guitars where played with a vibrator, an interesting site that creaed an equally strage sound. They also took a grinder to a shopping trolley at one point, upsetting the good people of Sainsburys.


Not making enough from the Neubauten.org project, the band resort to robbing pounds from trolleys

Fun and games was the order of the night, a splendid celebration of Neubatens 25 years of musical subversion, but there was a persistent message throughout the night that the band may not be coming back to London again, casting a dark shadow over the bands future despite thier constant inovention an invention. But, sad as it would be to loose them, at least they know how to go out with a bang.

And on a final note, there where also rumours that The 'Bauten are playing in London again on Thursday, but I wouldn't go holding you're breath.


Setlist

Greatest Hits

Yue-Gung (Fuetter Mein Ego)
Die Befindlichkeit Des LandesHaus Der Luege
Armenia
Youme & Meyou
Dead Friends (Around The Corner)
Redukt
Zns
Ende Neu

Rarities

Salamandrina
Sabrina
Perpetuum Mobile
Sehnsucht
Draussen Ist Feindlich
Selbstportraet Mit Kater
Kalte Sterne
Alles
Ich Gehe Jetzt

Encore

Grunstueck (5ER)


Now, is this thanks to my memory skills and knowledge of Neubautens histry, or is it thanks o my skill at grabbing set lists



Profimaster 250-50; Secret star of the show 

I'm reporting from a foreign land, London, back again in Camden to see Einstruzende Neubauten, and staying again in Camden Hostel. I last came to London a year and a day ago, again to see Neubauten, and stayed in the same place to, so I'm looking forward to a weekend of deja vu. Jut like last time I went the wrong way looking for the place, but I made up for it by getting the same room, and as I opened the door I thought back to last year and what bed I slept in, hoping to complete the re-enactment. Sadly, somebody beat me to it, I'll have to explain thier misdeed when I eventually see them.

It's hard to tell if Camden is getting smaller or shitter, the market is entertaining for about half an hour, and I couldn't even find one Lonnie Donnagan record, whichupsets me. Did see a mini carved Girraffe, only 80p, but if I bought something it'd only encourage harrasment, so saving my money for the gig as I set of the The Forum in Kentish Town.

Nobody is surprised that Glastobury sold out in record time, indeed it was expected and people would have been let down if it didn't. Of course, tickets where bound to head for eBay, and I found 26 ticket listings. It wasn't what it seemed however, most where links for buying tickets (Price, £2.00), then there where some practical tips into getting in for free, tickets with a hefty price tag (Really hefty) and tickets which are yours as long as your not minging, a man, and don't mind changing your name by deed poll.

All in all, it seems that this year, the touts have taken a beating.

The BBC has many interesting statistics about eBay, but nobody seems to be onto the rumors that drugs are for sale on eBay for people hip enough to know what they're being listed as. They're a bit more suttble that to list them generically as drugs, or as by names such as speed, and searching for acid creates such varied items it'd take all day and a small fortune to get the big score.

Sad as I am, I haven't taken the time to trawl for eBay looking for a supply of illegal substances, but I did find something better, NUS Cards. Now these cards get you discount everywhere, buses, HMV, the cinema, cloths shops, nightclubs and more, and the list is always expanding. It costs me £3.00 to take the bus to town and back, with an NUS Card it'll cost £1.50. Cards can be bought of eBay for £3.00, so the saving potential for me is massive. This of course, cannot be legal, and adverts warn that if the NUS was onto these sales there would be serious repercussions for the Unions that sold the cards. However, the question is, who's selling them?

England was shocked by terrible news today, a fight broke out in a football match. No, not been supporters, not even between two teams, but amongst two Newcastle players during a match! Since the event, Dyer and Bowyre have issued apologies to the fans for the actions which saw them both recieve red cards which will force them to miss the FA Cup semi-final against Manchester. I was in pubn tonight as the replay came on, there where demands for silence amongst the crowd and for tellys to be turned up, supervisors took a break to watch this historic event, sure to be the centre of talks for many weeks, nay, months to come.

I hear the Pope has also died, but that wasn't as intereting.