Things To Do In England When You're Dead

It was good new this week to hear that George Clinton And The P-Funk All Stars will be playing this years Roskile Festival, which I intend to attend. Wasting time beofre filling in an application form for a job which was already too late I found myself on the rather colourful George Clinton home page where I came across the informative Funkcyclopedia.

Aquaboogie:
underwater throwdown; magic rythm for splanking noses

Around da way
From the neighborhood. "From around the way"

Big Bang Theory:
Funk set the universe in motion; ignition by Funk. Ain't nothin' but a party in a Black Hole

Black Hole:
Prime zone of Funkativity, nappy dogout, home to Star Child. Celestial body which suckulates the unfunky deep into its chocolaty centre

Bop Gun:
Dr. Funkenstein's greatest invention - one blast capable of splanking the funkless. The Star Child zaps Sir Nose D'VoidofFunk with the Bop Gun and Nose dances to the rythm of the flashlight.

Children of Production:
Clones of Dr. Funkenstein, come to blow the cobwebs out your mind

Clone Funk:
Joyful process by which Funkenstein creates in his own image Afronauts capable of funkatizing galaxies

Cosmic Slop:
Dancing with the Devil to pay your bills

Cro-nasal Sapiens:
The missing stink. Elephantinesnouted prehistoric ancestors of Sir Nose

Dr. Funkenstein:
Mad'glad scientist, master technician of Clone Funk; outer space tribal leader of the descendants of the Thumpasorus Peoples

Downstroke:
Standing on the verge of the Beat; a march to the rear towards the Final Splank

Ego Munchies:
All-night crazoid craving for pure egotronic unsatisfunktion

Electric Spank:
High-tech pimping of human instincts by the power brokers/jokers that be

Flashlight:
Funk-flesh artillery of the Bop Gun

Funk:
Used to be a bad word. Irre-ducible essential pulse, life force, hyperventilatin' Groove. Not only moves, it can re-move; will sit and sit and never go sour. "If you got Funk, you got style"

Funkadelica:
Throbassonic realm where nothing is good unless you play with it and all that is good is nasty

Funkentelechy:
Force by which Funk gets stronger. Shot with the Bop Gun, the funkatized are driven toward the attainment of the P-Funk by their own revitalized juices

G-funk:
Gangsta funk. Examples: Snoop Doggy Dogg, Warren G & Nate Dog.

George Clinton:
One of the most sampled men alive, creator of the P-Funk.

Honey Dip:
pretty young ladies with golden brown complexions

Maggot Brain:
State of mind and then the condition and position of your ass ("Free your mind and your ass will follow"). When you just say "Funk it!" and rise above a spankic situation

Mothership:
Outer space chariot bearing Star Child and Funkenstein back to Earth when it desreves a global splanking

Motor Booty Affair:
Bootyful funktion in downtown Atlantis where you can swim past reality behind a clock's back without getting wet. Ritualistic method of finding the One

Mr. Wiggles The Worm:
Subaquatic, ultrasonic, semibionic Clone of Dr. Funkenstein

The One:
The First Beat; wholeness, metafoolish perfection, as in "Everything is one the One"

One Nation:
Empire of the Groove, collective cathartic mass motor-vation

P.Funk (aka The P.):
Pure, uncut Funk, the Bomb; also Parliament-Funkadelic

Pinocchio Theory:
If you fake the Funk, your nose will grow

Placebo Theory:
Jivation through logic; how Noses everywhere spread fake Funk in place of the P., driving humans into perpetual do-loop or deep snooze

Pleasure Principle:
Pre-spanking self-satisfunktion

Rumpofsteelskin:
Bumpnoxious undersea avatar of Sir Nose

Sir Nose D'VoidofFunk (a.k.a. The Nose, Old Smell-o-Vision):
Putrified purveyor of of the Placebo Syndrome. Extended probosics from faking Funk. He's cool but has no groove; won't swim, sweat or dance

Splank:
Use of Funk to free minds and behinds from constipated notions; anti-spank

Star Child (alias The Long-Haired Sucker, Sir Lollipop Man):
Official representative of Funkentelechy; protector of the Pleasure Principle. Cosmic John the Bop-tist, arch-recording angel heralding the arrival of Dr. Funkenstein

Law of Supergroovalisticprosifunkstication:
Give the people what they want when they want and they wants it all the time

Thumpasorus Peoples:
Prehistoric ancestors of Star Child and Dr. Funkenstein; also hardcore funkateers

Woo:
Temptation without representation for purposes of pimpation

Zone of Zero Funkativity (better known as The Nose Zone):
Home to Sir Nose; region of snoozation



Now many would dismiss this as sheer jibberjabber, and, they might be right, but at least its more helpful than the definition of Funk in the Uncyclopedia.