Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Ten Rules of Goth
The Guardian had a great article today about people who've grown up Goth, including the tale of the West London dentist who dresses in black and plays Nine Inch Nails and Killing Joke while drilling your teeth, although he sounds more like an industrialist to me, and the drills are just proof.
The article discussed research by Sussex Uni that found Goths went on to become rather successful, arguing that time spent reading classical literature makes them articulate and informed, and that it is the kids alienated from the scally masses for their insightful ways that go on to become Goths, and in turn these kids have the most potential.
Not sure if I agree with the article 100%, an ex-Goth writing about research conducted by an ex-Goth on why Goths go on to be successful, it sounds like an objectivity minefield to me. I did however like it's ten ways to tell if your boss if a Goth:
Is your boss a Goth? 10 telltale signs
1 Drinks snakebite
Former or closet Goths still display a lingering thirst for snakebite - half a pint of lager with half a pint of cider, sometimes with blackcurrant. Snakebite is the worst thing the Goths ever did after their invasion of the Roman Empire in 267.
2 Penchant for eyeliner
It seems everybody's wearing eyeliner these days, but a Goth's make-up is a smidgen more extreme: the skin is powdered white, and black eyeliner is used on eyes, brows, lips and sometimes - to draw cobwebs, probably - the skin. NB: Goths do not use bronzer, rouge, or St Tropez self-tan.
3 Cape
Capes have been fashionable this winter, but don't let that confuse you. A Goth wears a cape so long it grazes the floor. Looks a little incongruous over a business suit.
4 Went to Leeds university
Strangely, Leeds has a nigh-on magnetic attraction for Goths, and there are more cape shops per capita in the city than anywhere else in Europe.
5 Whistles Fields of the Nephilim/ Sisters of Mercy/ March Violets/ Subway to Sally songs
This is why no Goth ever had a successful career as a milkman.
6 Strange hobbies
Many of your colleagues will spend the weekend at B&Q, drinking Lambrusco and playing five-a-side. Not Goths. They read preposterous fantasy books, do a spot of Wicca and anything "a bit medieval".
7 Black clothing
Though both wore a lot of black, it is easy to differentiate between the Goth and the 80s throwback by asking this simple question: can you imagine this outfit in a Robert Palmer video? The Goth's predilection for black clothing is a reflection of the Black Aesthetic - taking those things society regards as evil or wrong and making them beautiful. Many items in the longtime Goth's wardrobe may now have faded to a sort of charcoal shade.
8 Disturbing dancing at Christmas party
The Goth sticks rigidly to the routine of two and a half steps to the front and back again, while gazing at the floor in an affected fashion and waving hands around mysteriously.
9 Disarmingly pointy boots
It is a little-known fact that inside their shoes, Goth's' feet are just as pointy as their winklepickers.
10 Drives a hearse to work
And doesn't work at a funeral parlour.
However, from my own experience, and the Goth episode of Spinechillers, I think they should also include:
11 Some vampire related name
Either in the form of their middle name, or more likely, inflicted onto their children who will face a lifetime of bullying as a result and vow to never become a Goth
12 Deny Being A Goth
Although clearly a Goth they'll tell you that you're misinformed, and come out with lines like "A Goth? No, I'm more of an Industiralist" (This line served me well for years) and look at you the way a "norm" would if you confessed to fancying the ginger one from Girls Aloud.
13 The Number 13
They'll find unnecessary ways to make lists round of to Goth numbers like 13 or 666
Later in the day the artiucle was recycled by the BBC. Oh they make it all sound so middle class!
The article discussed research by Sussex Uni that found Goths went on to become rather successful, arguing that time spent reading classical literature makes them articulate and informed, and that it is the kids alienated from the scally masses for their insightful ways that go on to become Goths, and in turn these kids have the most potential.
Not sure if I agree with the article 100%, an ex-Goth writing about research conducted by an ex-Goth on why Goths go on to be successful, it sounds like an objectivity minefield to me. I did however like it's ten ways to tell if your boss if a Goth:
Is your boss a Goth? 10 telltale signs
1 Drinks snakebite
Former or closet Goths still display a lingering thirst for snakebite - half a pint of lager with half a pint of cider, sometimes with blackcurrant. Snakebite is the worst thing the Goths ever did after their invasion of the Roman Empire in 267.
2 Penchant for eyeliner
It seems everybody's wearing eyeliner these days, but a Goth's make-up is a smidgen more extreme: the skin is powdered white, and black eyeliner is used on eyes, brows, lips and sometimes - to draw cobwebs, probably - the skin. NB: Goths do not use bronzer, rouge, or St Tropez self-tan.
3 Cape
Capes have been fashionable this winter, but don't let that confuse you. A Goth wears a cape so long it grazes the floor. Looks a little incongruous over a business suit.
4 Went to Leeds university
Strangely, Leeds has a nigh-on magnetic attraction for Goths, and there are more cape shops per capita in the city than anywhere else in Europe.
5 Whistles Fields of the Nephilim/ Sisters of Mercy/ March Violets/ Subway to Sally songs
This is why no Goth ever had a successful career as a milkman.
6 Strange hobbies
Many of your colleagues will spend the weekend at B&Q, drinking Lambrusco and playing five-a-side. Not Goths. They read preposterous fantasy books, do a spot of Wicca and anything "a bit medieval".
7 Black clothing
Though both wore a lot of black, it is easy to differentiate between the Goth and the 80s throwback by asking this simple question: can you imagine this outfit in a Robert Palmer video? The Goth's predilection for black clothing is a reflection of the Black Aesthetic - taking those things society regards as evil or wrong and making them beautiful. Many items in the longtime Goth's wardrobe may now have faded to a sort of charcoal shade.
8 Disturbing dancing at Christmas party
The Goth sticks rigidly to the routine of two and a half steps to the front and back again, while gazing at the floor in an affected fashion and waving hands around mysteriously.
9 Disarmingly pointy boots
It is a little-known fact that inside their shoes, Goth's' feet are just as pointy as their winklepickers.
10 Drives a hearse to work
And doesn't work at a funeral parlour.
However, from my own experience, and the Goth episode of Spinechillers, I think they should also include:
11 Some vampire related name
Either in the form of their middle name, or more likely, inflicted onto their children who will face a lifetime of bullying as a result and vow to never become a Goth
12 Deny Being A Goth
Although clearly a Goth they'll tell you that you're misinformed, and come out with lines like "A Goth? No, I'm more of an Industiralist" (This line served me well for years) and look at you the way a "norm" would if you confessed to fancying the ginger one from Girls Aloud.
13 The Number 13
They'll find unnecessary ways to make lists round of to Goth numbers like 13 or 666
Later in the day the artiucle was recycled by the BBC. Oh they make it all sound so middle class!
