Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Michael Moore; Moore Banks, Moore Guns

I knew Michael Moore was a dubious character, and that sooner or later, he'd slip up. And know he has.

Saturday, March 26, 2005

Madness in the forest

The new thing for bands to do seems to be touring Forestry Commission Sites. Be you Madness, Ian Brown or The Beautiful South, you can summon destruction unto the last refuge of wild animals!

Being responsible, I think I might go see Madness in the prehistoric forest of Delamere. Not only do they do a good show, not only is there a nice ice cream place at Delamere station, but its on a Friday and there's a campsite near by meaning I can make a weekend of the event and get back to nature!

Madness have a very odd site, in which they have their own game (A version PacMan with Cats, Kippers and walking M's)

Breeding

Great news today thatrecent Kakapo breading activites have been a success, three born, five on the way.

I'm only interested in this because I read Last Chance To See and loved it, Douglas Adams really was a fantastic writter. His hunt for Kakapos was my favourite part of the book, I think that the way these creatures had taken so many evolutionary wrong turns to turn out as this cute but inept creature a heart warming tale (Why I could almost relate to them).

Have to read it yourself really.



Monday, March 21, 2005

Good Song, Shit Adverts

Why? Why do good songs end up on adverts for the worst things possible? In music snob fashion, heres my top five, mostly inspired by the last weeks telly.

Top Five Advert Sell Outs

1) Closer, Nine Inch Nails- Sodomized by the good folks at Vodafone
2) Shave Your Head, Rico- Some advert about some natural disaster melodrama on Sky One.
3) This Is Love, PJ Harvey - Ruined my love of her, and damaged my relationship with Tea in one fell swoop.
4) Nervous Breakdown, Black Flag -Wanadoo Broadband (I think) tell us to enjoy life my by getting broadband. How on earth they got this song defies all reason
5) Motorcycle Emptyness, Manic Street Preachers -I forgot what it was plugging, but it was probably mobile phones



Rollins, "Run, don't walk, to your nearest Broadband supplier"




P.S. I'm aware of the fact that Rollins did not sing Nervous Breakdown, at least not the version on the ad, but the photo just fits. Oaky?

Half Man Half Biscuit; Radio Sessions

The band that I frequently reffer to, Half Man Half Biscuit, have some great on-line audio frmo various radio sessions, including some excellent Peel Sessions. Sadly, I cannot find a version of Mr. Caves A Window Cleaner Now.

Peel Session; 16 November, 2004
Asparagus Next Left
For What Is Chatteris?
Epiphany
Joy Division Oven Gloves

And two other tracks set for the next album (Perhaps), from a Kershaw Session (26/09/04)

CORGI Registered Friends

Mate of the Bloke Who Set Up The PA

And for the love of musical snobbery, obscure covers!

A Legend In My Time
I'm Throwing Rice At The Girl That I Love


Theres much more audio avaliable, all thanks to the Half Man Half Biscuit site!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

UKIP

I've not done much interesting this week, other than by tickets to see Einstruzende Neubauten in London (A year and a day after I last saw them, in the same venue, and I'm staying in the same place). Should be good.

I did see some great UKIP advertising, stickers no the rarely functioning hand dryer and on the condom machine in a pub toilet. I really wanted to get a photo, but I think if I took a work break to go take photos in the mens toilets there would be raised eyebrows and further slurs against my good name. I was really hoping the condom machine would contain EU produce, giving me the perfect oppertunity to get a photo into Private Eye, but sadly it was all made in the UK.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Arch Nemesis

Greggs The Bakers are no longer my arch nemesis, that honour has been stolen by Shazan, of Manchester's Curry Mile.

They've become public enemy number one after trying to rip me of, and worse, getting some degree of success. I bartered a deal of 10% off the bill outside, and as soon as I was in I knew the deal was sour, perhaps because the man who lured is in left to sell roses in the curry shop across the road. Turned out they only wanted to give us 10% of the main courses. They also tried to charge us £1.10 each for popaddoms, which I was told where free, and where only 40p according to the menu.

Bastards.

I succeded in getting the poppadoms free. No thanks to me amigos.

I believe that this is enough reason to curse them forever, the bastards. trust me, go to La Haweli instead.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Le Tigre: Manchester 15/03/05

I saw Le Tigre today, back in out Manchester for the second time in four days, and again, I had a curry.

I missed the support band, Gravy Train, but people I asked at the gig said they where good, I got told a lot about their image but very little about the music. How suspicious...

I've been waiting for Le Tigre since I first got a tape of them in 2000, it's a long time, so high expectations. And man, they do a great show. They actually make use of the space behind them, projecting images and videos onto a screen, first time I've seen a band do so since Tool in 2001, and the brightness of the videos put extra life into the audience.


Le Tigre; Bright Backdrops Galoe Posted by Hello

The three of them make great use of stage space, dancing and sharing instrumental duties well. In fact, they swapped instrumental duties too well, it even seemed that when no one was at the instruments they kept playing (Apart form the guitar). It was so heavily backing tracked I had to wonder if they where playing anything at all. But hey, I'm not complaining, it gave them the freedom to do the best choreographed group dancing since I saw Slipknot do an Al Johnson cover (Which didn't really happen).


Le Tigre; They All Play Everything (Or Do They) Posted by Hello

We get all the best from the new album, the last single, "TKO", the song which should have been the single, "Nanny Nanny Boo Boo", and another strong track "Viz". I was disappointed that they didn't do their cover of "I'm So Excited", it meant all the Crunchies I'd bought to throw at them where wasted (They where too crushed and melted by the end of the gig to be any use to anybody). A few old songs made outing, Le Tigre Tour Theme, FYR and What's Yr Take, but what we all want to hear (Audience chanting indicates) is Deceptacon...


Le Tigre Posted by Hello

Half ten they go of, some back on and play... Deceptacon! Hurra, I almost loose my bag in the resulting surge, and I finally get close enough to the stage to truly dig it all (A lot of men in the crowd for a feminist band, I noticed). After playing the song we're in the palm of their hands, we've heard the songs we wanted to hear, we've danced, they've boogied, we've marveled at the videos, the atmosphere is electric and there's still half an hour left! What will come next?!?!

They fuck of. After less then an hour on stage they just leave after a one song encore never to return.


Right, 10-:30, let's call it a night girls... Posted by Hello

Bastards.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Stewart Lee

On Sunday I was of to Headingly, Leeds, to see ex-Richard Not Judy star, Stewart Lee making a return to stand-up.

In a strange twist of circumstance, Stewart Lee came on to warm the crowd up for the support act, Josie Long, who he dubbed the greatest comic of our generation (Not a very optimistic of our generation then). She did alright, it would have been hard not to with such a small and pleasant room, and to be honest, I was won over simpy because there was a joke about Goths, something the speaks clearly to my heart (And especially fitting for Leeds).

Lee was much better, I always thought Herring held him back, with that bloody Curious Orange... Jokes where on topics we wanted to hear about, he opened on 9/11 for example (Or, as he put it, "November Eleventh, come on people, reclaim the calendar!") and went on the talk about the Diana Memorial. He also knew what we wouldn't like, taking swipes at Eddie Izzard (Pretend improvisation) Ian Hislop (Not funny, ever) and The Friday Night Project (Strangely absent from next weeks listings, apparently).

Strangely, he didn't mention anything of the Jerry Springer Musical and all the trouble it has now raised after being televised (I missed it, sadly), but I think that that was for his own benefit, a bit of light relief you know.

For the ticket price, a mere five pounds, it was absolute value for money, seeing a man on the way back up to the top like he is in such a small venue was a damn uplifting start to the week and its positive effects are still ongoing.

Tommy Vance

Some years they just drop like flies.

On Sunday the John Peel of Metal, Tommy Vance died of a stroke at the age of 63. I learnt this on a train, I was so shocked I gasped, drawing attention to myself, and nobody understood my explanation.

Growing up, Friday could only mean one thing, the Friday Night Rock Show on VH1 with Tommy Vance (Which, being on at midnight was actually on Saturday Morning). That show is what saved me from being an Indie kid, it was the only place to see Metal videos, it's how I knew the actions to "Breakin' The Law!" and Cozy Powell had really big hair. It's what fuelled my love of Motorhead and it was the first time I saw The Ramones. It was also the only time I ever saw a Napalm Death video. Fresh from the pub, huddled against The Incinerator we'd watch till 2AM (By that, I mean I watched and nobody else was interested).

It's a sad loss, especially after loosing John Peel. Tommys' gravel voice was as famous and recognizable as Peels bumbling tones (Earning him classic voice over work on "Dumber & Dumber"), and his medium was television over radio (Although he had the first music show that exclusively used CD's).

I don't know what else to say, its a sad loss of a legend in a time when we need them more than ever, someone who was a pioneer, and someone who made a positive difference in my life. At the pub tonight I raised my pint of nut brown ale to him, and that's the best tribute I can offer him.




Tommy Vance
: "ROCK!" 1944-2005

Eldery Lady At The Bustop, Think's I'm Going To Eat Her...

I remember the days that the eldery stared at me disapprovingly, but I've started to loose my edge. Last year a woman asked me to help her across the road, and yesterday while waiting for the bus an eldery woman asked me if I was listening to Coldplay.

Very odd, that, for as wrong as it was it seemed rather well informed of what the kids of today dig (I.e. Shite). I don;t remember how, but we ended up in conversation, in which she told me that her son is the sound engineer for Coldplay, and that she has met them many a time and gone for dinner with them (In which she was surprised that they chose to sit next to her to make sure that she was alright). And that Chris Martin (And the boys) being so nice, she took up the fair trade food ideology that they kindly promote. I also got some inside news. The story about the band at the moment is that the new album is so late because they've had trouble getting the sound right, but she tells me that this is a lie! How could such talent musicians, backed by a fine Scouce engineer fail to get that sound? This woman told me that it's actually because EMI shares are falling at the moment, and that that's why its not released, not as the label claim, that the shares are falling because the albums are late. It makes no sense to me.

She also told me that she used to promote bands in Liverpool, and that she had worked with legend's such as Muddy Waters and Little Richard, booking them in a club which has long since been knocked down in favour of a multistory carpark.

Was she lying? Was she crazy? Am I too trusting? Her knowledge seemed to percise to be random thinking, so it'd would to have had been a well researched an executed plot. Personally, I'm too optimistic to think there are old ladies in the world setting out to deceive music lovers on Sunday buses. I think I'll choose to believe the story. Besides, what a great anecdote.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Comedy Metal News

In my traditional read heavy metal Beano Kerrang in WH Smiths because I'm to old sskool to buy it but I like the bits of news and tour dates, I discovered that not only has the layout changed since my day, but that the news has become inceasibgly comic.

First, the news that KoRn guitarist, Brian "Head" Welch, has quit the group after he chose the Lord Jesus Christ as his Saviour, news so important it even reached the BBC (If you typed it into thier search engine). He says in Kerrang that his faith clashed the bands music, and that he objected to thier last video, in which his face was imposed onto the body of a dog in a strip club. His departure has nothing to do with the bands being up thier own arses (Spending a fortune to deliver thier "come-back album" rather optimistically titled "Untouchables", which proved to be as shit as Jackos comeback "Invincable") or thier lack of new ideas as they reach thier eigth studio album (Resorting instead to covers such as Word Up and Another Brick In The Wall, and optimistically releasing Greatest Hits Volume 1., with an assumption that they actually have enough good material, or life left in them, to reach Volume 2.).

Mans Face on Dogs Body, Offensive -Brian "Head" Welch




And as for news actually effecting tallent musicians, ex Guns 'N' Roses guitar man Slash, has had his long serving hat robbed. There had been concern in the press over the hat latley as it was making fewer public apperances, but his current band, Velvet Revolver, asssured it that it was on thier last tour, and that sometimes it simply sat at the side of the stage to help the Stoke guitar legened fell secure. Imagine his horror when, while attending the grammys, his hat was stolen from his limo. The driver is denying any involvment. Worse still, fans are starting an on-line petetion to have the hat returned, and spreading the rumour that the thief has had the audacity to warn the world that the item will be appearing on eBay!

What a dark day for Rock 'N' Roll...

Life /Art or Art / Life

Does art imitate life or vice-versa?

Spinal Tap started as the ultimate parody of rock pomposity, then when I saw Iron Maiden they seemed more like a parody of Spinal Tap rather than metal legends.

In a far worse manner, in todays news there is the story of American troops opening fire on the car taking kidnapped Italian journalist Guiliana Sgrena to freedom, wounding her and killing and killing Italian intelligence agent Nicola Calipari. It was described as the strangest episode of "friendly" fire since the war began, but it sounds far more like a scene from Team America: World Police.

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